I was going through my mail and found a letter from the company that administers Pennsylvania’s taxes (they use a private company called Berkheimer for the local taxes). Initially, I thought it was about my 2011 taxes which aren’t due yet but it seemed to be saying that I owed unpaid taxes. Since I had only lived in that town for a few months and had paid my taxes in 2011 I couldn’t figure out how I could owe anything.

I called them up expecting to be told that it about about prepaying or estimated taxes. Instead I was informed that I hadn’t paid a town tax which had been mailed to me in the middle of the year. Even though I told them that I had never received anything (the post office lost a couple of our letters while we where there and failed to forward some others since we moved) they said that they never resend anything and even if I’ve never heard of this tax which is sent out several months after all the others I was still libel for the fees.

I was irritated since I would have been happy to pay at the time (well, happy might be a bit strong) but there wasn’t anything I could do. I felt the need to vent a bit so I decided to send a complaint letter to Berkheimer, and because I’m a little odd, I decided to have some fun with it. This is the letter that I sent complaining about what happened, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it:

I have always sought to compose myself with the utmost care concerning what is owed of me. I have paid every tax asked of me but cannot pay that which is unknown to me. I paid my earned income and believed that to be the end of my monetary responsibilities in Sellersville as no further requests were presented to me and every credit check has come forth without blemish. Both while in residence and since in forwarding, my mail has been inconsistent due to the poor disposition of the Post Office of that town, yet I am without recourse. 

Had I lived there for more than a few months I might have been better informed of the tax requirements and the knowledge that they are not asked of one all at once but in random intervals throughout the yearly cycle. That there are no further notices to account for lost letters nor ability to appeal these charges against my wallet and character are unfair and unjust. I could just as easily claim that I myself had sent a response to you and your inability to find it is upon your own head yet I would not be so odorous to you.

I have therefore paid your ridiculous fine which I am certain exists solely as a device for lining your company coffers but wish you to know that your services are atrocious and I hope that the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania disposes of them for a company less villainous as soon as possible leaving you without means and cast into the street. I would wish you “Good Day” but cannot in good conscience place such as lie in print.

Writing An Insulting Letter by Adam Glickman is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.